


Spásaire

by forgetmenotjimmy



Series: Moving Parts [3]
Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Anal Sex, Casual Sex, Double Dating, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Gay Sex, Irish Language, M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-13 17:49:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16022912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetmenotjimmy/pseuds/forgetmenotjimmy
Summary: “Hey, wanna go to dinner tomorrow?” Trip asked, once he'd recovered his breath. Huh. This was new. Jamie shrugged.“Why the Hell not?” Trip grinned tiredly and Jamie knew then that he really was in trouble.Trip's relationship with Jamie from 'Engineer' from Jamie's POV.





	Spásaire

Jamie Walsh was a free spirit or what is nan would call ‘a wanderer’. He left home at 16 and never looked back. Oh he would return for the occasional holiday or birthday and he sent plenty of postcards and letters; but in a way the open road was his true home. For years he lived life on his bike, stopping at places that interested him, working to save enough to keep on moving. Occasionally, he would meet people or find places that made him want to stay a while, but in the end, the road would always call him back.

He first saw Trip Tucker on a Friday night in a bar in Outer Sunset. The engineer was with other Starfleet personnel in civilian clothes; in fact, over the course of their relationship he only saw the man in uniform a handful of times. The group was celebrating something but Ensign Fuller, who was a regular in the bar, waved at Jamie when he’d come in. After getting a drink, he went over to say hi and ended up getting into an argument with one of them about which nation built the best motorbikes. The others heckled good-naturedly and as the group grew throughout the night, it broke off into smaller sub-groups. Jamie was talking to a gregarious Southerner, Trip, a quieter guy, Paul and a dry-humoured woman, Sam. He told them a few of his 'lost in the USA' stories and Sam suggested he should join Starfleet so he would have even more. But Jamie had just smiled and said:

“I saol eile.” After a while, Fuller came over and said he and some others were going to go to a nearby club. Jamie had a shift the next day but Saturdays were always a bit quieter in the spring and he’d suspected that ‘Trip’ had been checking him out. He’d never slept with a Southerner before and wanted to try out those wide lips.

They went to the club and after a few minutes of friendly cajoling, Jamie managed to convince Trip to join him on the dance floor. He quickly discovered the reason for the initial reluctance; Trip was not a graceful man. But Jamie just turned him around, got up close behind him and together they managed some basic hip rolls and bouncing in time to the music. Judging from his accent and almost puppy-dog mannerisms, Jamie had thought that the engineer to be a ladies’ man who occasionally got drunk and made out with men. Maybe he’d dared a furtive hand job or two with someone else in the barracks but he wouldn’t be well versed in homosexual sex. After he and Trip had broken away from the crowd, stumbled into the bathroom kissing and groping each other wildly, fumbling with each other’s belts, Trip had sunk to his knees and blown that theory out of the water, along with Jamie’s mind. It took an embarrassingly short amount of time before he was coming straight down Trip’s throat. He hadn’t had such a good first blow job in a while and was still weak in the knees when Trip smugly buttoned him up again, other hand working his own cock.

Grinning back, Jamie pulled him up and finished him off, swallowing his moans in fervent kisses and revelling in the other man’s trembling limbs and flushed skin as he came. Still high from their orgasms, they cleaned up and made to go back to the bar. Trip nipped Jamie’s earlobe and murmured.

“Thanks, I needed that.” Jamie had pinched his ass in return.

“Thank _you_.”

They didn’t see each other again for a few weeks. Jamie had put it down as a very happy memory. Whenever he had an itch, he hooked up with one of his regular acquaintances, knowing the chance of finding someone new who was that good was slim. Then one night the man was back at the bar with a few friends. His eyes lit up when he saw Jamie and he waved casually. Jamie returned it and got chatting with some friends at the bar. After a while, one of his friends suddenly grinned and he felt a presence behind him. Trip was getting another round for his table, positioned towards Jamie but not actively trying to get his attention – although he must have been looking at some point for Jamie’s friend to have noticed his interest. He smiled as he ‘noticed’ Jamie looking his way and said hi. His ‘innocent’ grin didn’t fool the mechanic, who remembered exactly how sinful that mouth could be. When the engineer suggested they ‘catch up’ later, Jamie could only agree.

This time, Jamie took him to his place and they went a few rounds, Trip just as confident as before and perfectly happy to give as he was to receive. They didn’t venture into penetration though, just sticking to mouths and hands and good ol’ rubbing up against each other. Jamie was always wary of jumping straight into anal sex with strangers, wanting to know the measure of a person first; as it had the potential to be painful if done wrong. Trip also didn’t bring it up. When they’d both come a second time, Trip flopped back onto the bed, shirt pushed up to his armpits, pants around his ankles; his golden skin covered in hair and sweat and cum. He looked utterly debauched until he grinned, still slightly out of breath. Jamie was presented again with this intriguing dichotomy. He collapsed down himself, catching his breath and pondering his new bed mate. Once recovered, Trip checked where the bathroom was and staggered off. Wincing at the drying cum on his own skin, Jamie fumbled for the wet wipes in his bedside table. Trip soon returned, properly dressed again and holding a damp towel.

“I couldn’t find…” He saw the packet next to Jamie’s head, “ah,” he sheepishly looked down at the towel in his hand, “sorry.” Huffing a laugh, Jamie just shook his head, voice easy.

“Toss it in the hamper, I’ll do a load in the morning.” Trip did as directed and then shuffled, looking a little unsure. “You can stay till the sun’s up.” Jamie offered just as casually as before; he saw Trip’s eyes widen in surprise and then his brow lowering as he considered.

“Thanks, but I’ve got an early shift tomorrow. I should go.” After flashing another smile, he found his shoes, checked he had everything and then smiled again, this time awkwardly. Jamie hauled himself up off the bed and lead Trip to the front door, wondering where this sudden shyness had come from. Maybe he’d only had one lover before; someone with whom he’d perfected his techniques, but stopped him from learning how to say ‘goodnight, thanks for the sex’. At the door, Jamie took the lead and kissed Trip lingeringly on the mouth.

“See you around, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Trip breathed and walked out of the flat in a daze.

…

After a few more encounters, Jamie’s theory of Trip’s sexual history seemed more likely. Give the man a cock and he knew exactly what to do with it, but the rest seemed to be foreign territory. He stayed the night eventually and Jamie woke up to a warm set of arms wrapped around him, a sleepy smile on that lax face. He considered a wake-up blow job but the cuddliness stopped him. Trip was tactile with friends but in all their sexual encounters, he’d been straight to the point, almost clinical in his approach. Lying in those strong arms, Jamie thought that wasn’t the man’s natural behaviour, but something he’d learned from previous lovers. It wasn’t like the mechanic was going to stay forever, but maybe he could do a little bit of good whilst he was there. Jamie wasn’t a stranger to romantic entanglements, falling hard and fast had been a problem for him early on. Some terribly sad incidents had hardened his heart enough so he could love and leave and also recognise kindred spirits who wouldn’t be too cut up when he did go. Seeing Trip on a regular basis broke his unofficial rules but he liked the man too much to stop.

When he felt confident that Trip would be considerate, Jamie decided to upgrade to penetration. They were rolling around in his bed, still breathless from making out all the way from the turbolift to the bed, clothes being discarded as they’d gone. He climbed up, arching his body to show off his ab muscles and rubbing Trip’s sizeable member through his boxers.

“How about putting this monster to good use?” Trip gasped at the contact but something flickered over his face.

“I don’t wanna hurt you.” Thinking he was referencing his size, Jamie grinned.

“Well you are impressive, but with a little extra prep I think I can take it.” But Trip didn’t return his smile.

“Jamie…” He gulped. “I’ve never…” He blushed and despite himself, Jamie found it cute.  “I’ve never done this before.” Jamie frowned, confused. Trip saw and began babbling. “I mean, I’ve had sex, just, they’ve always…I mean, I haven’t been the one to…” That made a lot of sense. This, Jamie could work with. He cupped Trip’s face with one hand and said reassuringly.

“It’s okay, I get you. We’ll take it slow. I’ll talk you through it.” Reaching for the lube, Jamie passed it over and began his instruction. Jamie didn’t enjoy ‘teaching’ as it were, which was why he usually chose experienced partners. Some people liked being the one to introduce people to new things, but he was just impatient to get to the good parts. However, he did acknowledge that taking their time worked in his favour as Trip’s cock was quite thick and it had been a while. He lay on his side, pillow between his knees as Trip worked him open steadily and with great care. Trip was a typical engineer, a quick-study with a keen eye for detail; he was methodical and was obviously very aware of the potential to hurt his lover. So he’d check multiple times that Jamie was really okay and not in pain. Aching with need and beginning to get impatient, Jamie declared himself ready, barely registering the irritation as Trip asked again if he was sure. He ushered the American to lie on his back and got himself in position.

When Jamie finally sank down, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been stretched that wide. Trip gasped and twitched underneath him, fingers tightening on Jamie’s hips and eyes rolling back as he bit his lip viciously, a whine dying in his throat. Huffing with effort and at the uncomfortable stretch, Jamie squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to relax. Once all the way down, he opened his eyes again to see Trip almost tearing his bottom lip up. After recovering his breath and adjusting to the feeling, Jamie patted Trip’s flank, sighing.

“It’s okay, slugger. Relax, you won’t hurt me.” Taking some deep breaths, Trip managed to rasp.

“Oh God, Jamie, oh God, it’s…” Jamie shifted slightly and Trip gasped, voice high and tight. “It’s so gooood.” Grinning, Jamie agreed, getting not a small amount of pleasure from his lover’s wondrous expression. Maybe there was some value in teaching someone something new after all.

“You can move now, slowly.” Trip did, body tense as he struggled to control himself. Jerky at first, then getting into a rhythm, Trip rubbed his hands up and down Jamie’s thighs. Getting close, Jamie took control, threading their hands together. It didn’t take long for Trip to cum, Jamie just behind him. Weak and gooey-feeling, he climbed off and slumped next to his still panting lover, not even caring about the drying cum on their chests.

“I get it now.” Trip murmured, staring unseeing at the ceiling for a moment. Then he grinned, sheepish and euphoric as he turned to look at Jamie. “Wow…thanks.” It wasn’t the first time someone had thanked him after sex – he was very good if he said so himself – but it was always a little strange. This time was no exception. But he found himself thanking Trip back. He didn’t usually like gentle and tender but the care with which Trip treated him was kinda nice…refreshing.

It was obvious to him that someone – or someones – hadn’t been as careful with Trip in the past. Living the life he did, running in the circles he did, Jamie often came across people some would describe as ‘damaged’. At first, Trip came across as an eager puppy, naïve and enthusiastic about everything; but the more they spent time together, the more cracks, the more edges Jamie was starting to see. When it came to sex and relationships, Trip wasn’t as trusting, as open. He held parts of himself back and he was used to being hurt or at least not taken care of. It made Jamie sad and a little like he wanted a list of names and a big wrench. They didn’t often spend the night together, Trip often citing early shifts as excuses to leave, but when they did, they would always end up wrapped around each other in the night. Once, Jamie had woken in the middle of night and gently extricated himself to go the bathroom. When he’d returned to bed, he’d found Trip, trembling and whispering under his breath. Unsure what to do, knowing that some people could get violent dreams, he’d stroked Trip’s hair gently. Instantly relaxing, Trip had pulled himself, unseeing, into Jamie’s arms, nuzzling into his chest. Jamie let him, mind whirring. It was normal for people to have bad dreams, but the timing seemed suspicious. He’d never noticed Trip having any before and he’d only been gone for a few minutes. Pushing down his sympathy and concern down, he rubbed Trip’s back soothingly.

He knew, he _knew_ that this wasn’t going to end in a happily ever after for them. Even if he was the type to stay, Trip’s heart had been in the stars even before he’d properly been there. Still, Jamie took every day as a gift.

…

“You ever use your Irish to pull?” Trip asked curiously.

“Oh, all the time!” Jamie laughed. They were lying naked in bed, the sheets pulled up to their waists. After a round of energetic sex, they had already recovered their breath but neither of them had made a move to start up again or call it a night. “Especially women, they love it. I tell them they smell in Gaelic and they fall to my feet!” Trip laughed. He rolled onto his side, propped up on an elbow, and looked down at his lover.

“You didn’t with me!” Jamie shifted so he was facing more in Trip’s direction, their bodies close but not touching. He replied playfully.

“Well Acushla, you were easy.” Trip made a ‘you have a point’ face but then focused on the Irish word.

“Should I be insulted?”

“No, it means ‘darling’.”

“Huh, but you only use that for women, right?” Jamie shrugged easily. Trip thought. “I dunno, I don’t like it when the Vulcans call me names in their language.” He idly ran a finger up and down Jamie’s breastbone. Chest twitching under the attention, Jamie tried to stay focused.

“You speak Vulcan?”

“Nah, only enough to recognise when they’re insulting me. It’s usually ‘monkey-engineer’ this, ‘dumb sehlat’ that. Just ‘Mishek’ is the nicest of the bunch. What’s ‘engineer’ in Gaelic?” Jamie thought for a minute, then said.

“Innealtóir.” Trip’s lip twisted and he settled back down onto his back.

“Yeah, it sounds it. I guess ‘engineer’ just isn’t a romantic word in any language.” Jamie hummed in agreement, tilting his head and pulling Trip’s chin to rest their foreheads together. He thought about the essence of this man, how could he sum him up in one word? Then he smiled and said definitely.

“Spásaire.” Lips widening, he added. “Mo spásaire beag.” Trip blinked and asked curiously.

“What does that mean?”

“My little space man.” They burst out laughing. Then Trip smiled and pecked Jamie on the cheek.

“I’ll take it.”

Jamie had honestly meant it as a joke and whenever he said it, Trip would roll his eyes. But after a while, it took on an affectionate tone, Trip’s eyes softening in response. They'd evolved from just having fun a long time ago but Jamie just couldn’t stop.

…

Some people never liked anal sex. It was either the psychological aspect or the simple fact that they couldn’t gain any or enough pleasure from it to balance the inconveniences. There was nothing wrong with that and Jamie respected that opinion when he encountered it. But with Trip he suspected that the aversion was more to do with bad past experiences. He didn’t want to force the man, but he didn’t see the harm in disabusing him of false impressions. Anal stimulation could be incredible in the right hands, or cock. So he began a stealth campaign. He began with getting Trip comfortable and confident with penetrating him, often exaggerating his pleasure a little. Finally, when his lover finally agreed, he pulled out all the stops. He lit candles and played cheesy music, Trip laughing and relaxing as Jamie stripped him with loving care. Obviously not used to anyone else preparing him, Trip squirmed a little as Jamie got started, but he settled down after a mock-stern look from the Irishman. Once he was happy with the stretch, Jamie focused on finding Trip’s prostate. Brushing against it, Trip jerked like he’d been electrocuted, a hand snapping up to curl around Jamie’s bicep. Concerned, Jamie stopped, only for Trip to moan.

“Please! More…I…” Unbelievably turned on by Trip’s reaction, he shifted to get a better angle, and continued turning his lover into an incoherent puddle of limbs. It didn’t take long before Trip was cumming with a high-pitched whine and half-whispered curses. A little smug, Jamie flopped down beside him and just lay there smiling to himself, ignoring his own erection for the moment. Finally, Trip said weakly.

“Hey, wanna go to dinner tomorrow? I know a nice place near Headquarters.”

 _Huh_.

“Why the Hell not?” Trip grinned tiredly and Jamie knew then that he really was in trouble.

…

Trip hardly ever talked about his work or other Starfleet members. Sometimes he’d moan about someone taking credit for one of his suggestions or the slim chances of a hick like him being chosen for the big starship they were planning to build in a few years, but the details were always vague. The only person that got a mention was Jonathan Archer. Even though the references were few and far between, by his tone and facial expressions alone, Jamie could discern that he was someone Trip really respected. One day, Trip mentioned faux-casually that Jon wants to meet him. In fact, Mr Archer wanted to have a double date with the two and his girlfriend. Unsure how to feel about this mysterious best friend suddenly wanting to size him up, Jamie latched onto the double date idea and agreed enthusiastically. Trip was obviously surprised by this and a little wary of the whole thing himself, but gamely accepted the offer.

They went to a Chinese restaurant in Inner Richmond to the North of the city, an area Jamie wasn’t familiar with. Archer knew Tommy the maître d’, greeting him warmly at the door and being directed to ‘his usual table’. As they were seated, Jamie suppressed his amusement at this pally display, wondering how many dates Archer had wined and dined there. He certainly seemed a smooth operator, guiding the conversation with ease with a charisma that wasn’t too harsh. Trip was tense beside him and Jamie could sense a certain dogged, almost grim, determinedness behind the Commander’s small talk. After Jamie had turned on his own charm, though, Archer relaxed and Jamie knew that he’d passed some kind of test. The meal was actually quite pleasant after that, especially after Trip lost his apprehensive look and started enjoying himself.

Jamie couldn’t speak to the man’s professional competency but as a man, Archer certainly lived up to expectations. Trip was also blind to Archer’s obvious romantic feelings for him. At first, Jamie had thought the thinly-veiled vetting questions had come from a brotherly-protectiveness. That was partly true but after the mains were done, everyone had settled down and Jamie had realised. The man was jealous of him! He kept on glancing between him and Trip, eyes noting their body language and scrutinising them surreptitiously almost to the exclusion of his own girlfriend. Jamie almost felt sorry for said girlfriend, even if Jon would never act on his feelings, there was no way that their relationship would work.

He brought it up casually on their way home, asking bluntly how long Trip had been in love with his best friend. He couldn’t even find it in himself to be amused by Trip’s terrible act. Boy did Trip have it bad. Whilst Jamie was sure that Archer wasn’t the cause of Trip’s damage, he didn’t think he could do any more to help when Trip’s heart was obviously elsewhere.

With a heavy heart, he handed in his notice at the garage. Trip was devastated, though he tried to hide it. Seeing the hurt on that beloved face almost changed Jamie’s mind; but he had to be strong, for the both of them. It was past time that he moved on. He wished that things could be different but it was a truth he’d learned early on: the end always came, no matter how much you wished it would wait another day. His grandmother's voice echoed in his head.

_Ní thugann gach rud maith ach a sheal._

The only option was to accept it when it came knocking.

…

The sun shined warm on the spring morning. He was just securing the pack on his bike when Trip came out of the door to Jamie’s apartment building. Despite the relative warmth, he folded his arms as he watched Jamie. Straightening up, he began putting on his gloves and Trip asked sadly.

“So…is that everything?” Looking back at his lover, heart twisting, he strode over purposefully.

“Not everything.” And kissed him hard on the mouth. Trip responded, clutching at his back like a man drowning. They stayed locked together for a long while. Then Jamie pulled back a hair and whispered impulsively.

“Come with me.” Drawing back a little more, looking him in the eye, Trip’s voice was mournful as he whispered back.

“Stay.” They were only delaying the inevitable. Still, he tried again.

“Come with me.” Trip almost laughed, giving out a little sob and repeating.

“Stay.” Sighing, Jamie leaned his forehead against Trip’s and staying there a while.

“I saol eile.” Trip winced, gulping before replying sombrely.

“In another life.” Steeling himself, Jamie pulled away and Trip let go, watching as Jamie turned and took up his helmet. Turning, he called.

“Send me a postcard from Space.”

“I will.” Trip promised, before adding worriedly. “Be careful, you drive too fast on that death-trap.” Grinning at the familiar advice, Jamie fastened his helmet and teased back.

“Says the man building a Warp 5 engine!” Trip managed a smile, waving a dismissive hand. Then Jamie kicked off and pulled out, gunning it down the road and not looking back.

…

April 2151. He’s currently biking around Japan when he receives a call from his mother. She says he has a message from Starfleet. His heart leaps into his throat and he has to take some deep breaths before playing the vid.

His first thought is that Trip looks good. Really good. Even through the vid screen, his skin is practically glowing, eyes lit up and frame almost vibrating with energy. But more than that, he’s confident, at home in his skin the way he hadn’t been before. He’s dressed in the uniform and Jamie can’t make out much in the background, just grey walls. And then for the first time in years, Jamie hears Trip’s voice.

“Hi.” He smiles warmly, but then it turns a little sheepish, as if he’d become aware of how affectionate his greeting had been. Coughing, he tries to recover. “Long time no see.” Trying to play it cool loses to sheer happiness and he grins. “Well, I did it. It’s amazing. It’s everything I thought it would be and more and damn, I can’t stop talking in clichés!” He chuckles a little self-deprecatingly. “I know I was always bitching about how I would never get chosen and you’d say I could do it, so, don’t say ‘I told you so’.” He pauses to take deep breath before going on. “You said to send you a postcard so I’m sending you some of the snaps I’ve taken so far.” His expression turns serious and Jamie finds it hard to breathe as he listens. “I want to thank you for what you did for me.” Jamie’s heart twanged. “I didn’t appreciate it at the time, wasn’t until after…I know now what you were trying to do and it means so much to me.” Trip sounds a little mournful now. “I wasn’t ready.” His mouth twitches and he smiles ruefully. “I don’t think I’m even ready now.” Blinking rapidly, he confesses quietly. “I miss you.” Jamie gulps as Trip smiles softly. “I hope you’re well, wherever you are. I hope you’re happy. I want you to be happy.”

“I saol eile.”

The message ends, the picture changing to the ‘end transmission’ screen. Jamie sits there for a long time in his shared flat in Tokyo, reminiscing. He opens the attached data file and marvels at the strange sights, seeing the happy faces and wondering who they were beyond the tagged names. He thinks about the young man who was cheerful and eager to please but also hiding wounds he denied having even to himself. Maybe some of that damage was still there, but he’d also grown a lot. It makes Jamie happy to see. He presses record and smiles.

“Hello Spásaire.”

**Author's Note:**

> Irish:  
> mo spásaire beag – my little astronaut  
> ní thugann gach rud maith ach a sheal- all good things come to an end  
> i saol eile – in another life
> 
> I’m obsessed with languages and linguistics so couldn’t resist slipping some Irish in there, let’s hope Gaelic is still going strong in 150 years’ time. Disclaimer: I am not Irish and do not speak it so everything is from Google, let me know if you spot any errors or funny business!  
> Also same goes for the geography: everything I know about San Francisco is from Googlemaps.


End file.
